Nine Funny Personal Ads from Dating Sites

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The fastest path to scoring a date is to stand out from the crowd. It seems like these nine funny singles took things a little bit too far. Here are nine examples of how NOT to word your phone chat welcome message.

"There is a little place in the jumbled sock drawer of my heart where you match up all the pairs, throw out the ones with holes in them, and buy me some of those neat dressy ones with the weird black and red geometrical designs on them."

"Angry, simple-minded, balding, partially blind ex-circus flipper boy with a passion for covering lovers in sour cream and gravy seeks exotic, heavily tattooed piercing fanatic, preferably hairy and stinky, either sex, for whippings, bizarre sex and fashion consulting. No freaks."

"Morbidly overweight, seriously competitive computer gamer with creative genius online persona... seeking svelte, kinky sex vixen for impossible fantasy role play. Some willingness to assist with basic bodily functions required."

"Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex and Herb Alpert albums."

"I like eating mayonnaise and peanut butter sandwiches in the rain, watching Barney Miller reruns, peeing on birds in the park and licking strangers on the subway; you eat beets raw, have climbed Kilimanjaro, and sweat freely and often. Must wear size five shoes."

"When I was thirty my dates had to be young, tall, handsome, rich, intelligent. Now I'm 64, they only have to know how to read and use the telephone!"

"Possibly the last person you want to be stood next to at a house-party you’ve been dragged along to by a friend who wants to get off with the flatmate of the guy whose birthday it is. Hey! Have you ever heard Boards of Canada? They’re amazing; I’ll burn you a CD."

"Normally on the first few dates I borrow mannerisms from the more interesting people I know and very often steal phrases and anecdotes from them along with concepts and ideas from obscure yet wittily-written books. It makes me appear more attractive and personable than I actually am. With you, however, I’m going to be a belligerent old shit from the very beginning. That’s because I like you and feel ready to give you honesty. Belligerent old shit (M, 53)"

"When not in my London city office overseeing the day-to-day business of my successful accountancy firm, I can be found leaning inside taxi cabs, spitting wild obscenities and challenging the drivers to fisticuffs."

Now you’ve seen the funniest dating personal ads on the web, see if you can do better with your own phone dating chat welcome message.

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Chatbox is the leading provider of UK phone, TV, and web and dating chat services with over 16 years of success behind us

At Chatbox we help 1000's of people to get together for safe chat and dating whenever or wherever they are. We are the largest provider of chat and dating in the UK.

We operate services on multiple digital platforms so you can connect with people on the phone, mobile, or via SMS. Chat with hundreds of callers online right now, many of whom will be local to you. We also broadcast from our own TV station on SKY channel 873 and can soon be found on FreeSat.

Chatbox is one of the Intermediactive Group brands and sits alongside Gay Network, 4D, Candywall and Kooma as part of the wider group. The group is wholly UK owned and based in South London. We are regulated by both OFCOM and the Phone-paid Services Authority and are members of the Internet Foundation, FAST, the DMA and AIME.

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